The festival, the brainchild of entrepreneur Avril Poisson, will take place on the traditional Glastonbury weekend, which will be on hiatus during Olympic year.
Held on Wandsworth Common, the Festival of Geriatric Innovation, Entertainment and Socialising (FoGIES), has received strong backing from former old person’s ambassador Joan Bakewell.
Pensioners earmarked to perform include Sir Paul McCartney, Sir Tom Jones and Bruce Forsyth’s Tap Orchestra.
"Many of the older generation are unfortunately falling foul of early onset dementia, in part because of all of the LSD they took during the 60s," said Poisson. "We hope to revive some of that hippy-era spirit; hopefully the Sirs Tom and Paul will have them waving their canes blithely above their heads until the wee hours."
Briefly popular geriatric band The Zimmers are also expected to perform, should more than 75% of them live to see the day.
Poisson revealed exclusively to Event that stairlift behemoth Stannah has already agreed to install one of its slow-moving chairs to ferry people to up and down the hill at the back of the common. At its peak will be the festival’s corporate hospitality area, the ‘Statler and Waldorf’ executive boxes, where revellers can sit and grumble about the noise.
"I’m unbelievably excited," said Poisson. "Next year we’re going to party like it’s 1923."
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Thanks for the Tweets and emails everyone. This is, of course, an April Fools story.