"We wanted to recognise Kylie's return to Wembley. Kylie, her team and 79,000 fans have given us a phenomenal start to the New Year." Wembley Arena general manager Peter Tudor welcomes the Aussie princess back to London for the first time since her cancer scare in 2005. Her seven comeback shows took less time to sell out than the average innings of an English batsman facing Shane Warne.
"Rack of lamb - it's not exactly hard is it?" There's nothing like a bit of healthy competition between caterers. Even a rack of lamb is ammunition for Richmond Catering managing director Barry Seaman, who has a friendly dig after losing out on the food contract for the Visit London Awards to rival Red Snapper.
"People have got married and divorced at Stringfellows, but don't try and pin the blame for that on me - I've got enough problems." When auctioning his lot at La Dolce Vita's recent charity auction, the prize for which was for someone to spend a day and night as manager of his infamous London nightclub, Peter Stringfellow makes sure that he treads very carefully. The reason? Those fierce stares coming his way from the worried wives of trigger-happy bidders, desperate to fulfil their deepest fantasies, would surely be enough to make anyone soil their leopardskin thong.
"I have some sad news: Jordan has been invaded by 400 troops. Don't worry though, she won't even notice." Compere at La Dolce Vita Neil Morrissey just couldn't resist the temptation of picking on glamour model Katie Price, aka Jordan, sat near the front row of the event.
"I was 12-stone when I joined this company. Hey, you don't have to laugh so loudly." NEC chief executive Paul Thandi is becoming ever more conscious of his waistline following the recent introduction of "Choice" catering options at the Midlands venue.
"In my long time working with the media I've learnt one thing - never stand between a journalist and his lunch." Thandi decides to cut his speech short following the jibes about his waistline so that he can get back to enjoying the venue's new menus.