"It was a real carcass sprayed with hairspray to give it a sheen." - It would appear DNA's Matt James is obviously the trusting sort. He may be the only person at this year's RSVP show who actually believed the "cow" on Laverstoke Park's rotating spit was real. Bless.
"Is it just me or are there no bad seats in the Albert Hall?" - Cathcart Spring Proms compere Angela Rippon momentarily forgets that in between being on the stage she is, in fact, sitting as far away from the cheap seats as it's possible to be - in the front row.
"It got to the point where I said to the German goalkeeper Bodo Illgner that if he didn't let in a couple of goals I would send him on a plane back to Zambia, and not his home in Alicante." - Desperate to give England every advantage in their Legends match against Germany, organiser TAO Productions managing director Andy Cotton resorts to extreme match-fixing measures.
"Don't worry Andy, I'll take him out for you on the pitch." - Actor Danny Dyer offers Cotton a way of dealing with awkward celebrities when he offers to give German footballer Lothar Matthaus a kicking during the Legends game.
"Eugh, no thanks. It looks like some sort of curry mash." - Sven Goran Eriksson's girlfriend Nancy Dell'Olio expresses some concerns at said game when presented with an Asian delicacy in the players' lounge. Mind you, after all the spicey goings-on at the FA headquarters, who can blame her?
"Before you can understand anything about my company you need to read my three books." - Alison Price will do almost anything to get people to read her literary output.
"I simply cannot miss my massage." - DNA's Matt James hits the panic button on discovering that an unscheduled stop for lunch on the way to Portofino's Hotel Splendido may see him miss the first of many pre-arranged spa treatments.