After Dark: Hearsay

"Liam's disappeared - he's obviously a bit too overwhelmed to come up here and receive this. Either that or he's in the toilets being very 1995."

Noel Gallagher never misses an opportunity to show his brotherly love as he collects Oasis's award for best music DVD at the NME Awards.

"A naked German had been face-down on the sunbed. I could not lie where his willy had been."

Carling Academy Brixton's Louise Kovacs explains why she was forced to apply fake tan for the Music Week Awards, staged at the Grosvenor House Hotel.

"When we launched we thought all exhibition organisers were rubbish."

Brand Events managing director Chris Hughes talks his way into the hearts and minds of media agencies at the launch of Weekend at Dave's.

"I don't know what to do right now. I feel sick." Teen pop sensation Joss Stone lets everyone know what she really thinks about her two Brit Awards.

"I'd like to thank my boyfriend, Jake, from the Scissor Sisters." Robbie Williams does his best to keep everyone guessing about his sexuality as he collects a Brit award.

"Don't hesitate to speak to Robert. We are paying a lot, and I mean a lot, of money for his services." Tim Etchells highlights the price of PR as he persuades this year's RSVP exhibitors to take full advantage of Robert Wright's PR firm, Davies Tanner.

"I would like to thank our producer Nigel Godrich. He's taken us in a new direction - this album's got that kind of 'gay in the village vibe'." Little Britain's Matt Lucus points out the absurdity of awarding a trophy for comedy at a music ceremony as he collects his gong.

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